Throwback Thrusdays are a time of reflection on the things of old. In the picture below, I was in the 6th grade, talk about things of old! I have joined the Writer’s Workshop over at a great blog called, Mama’s Losin’ It (click the photo above to read other writers work and get more info). Each week, “Mama Kat” gives out writing prompts. I chose the prompt asking that you “write about something you lost and the search to find it”.
In the picture above, I had on my Michael Jackson button, and I was on a field trip to the Biltmore Estate in Asheville NC. Isn’t it funny how we can remember things from so long ago? I also remember being a little girl full of wonder! Whenever someone told me something, I always asked, “why?”. I asked about rainbows, sunsets, unicorns, tons of questions about God, and I loved to go outside and play. I used to make my parents so tired with all of my questions. When I questioned my mom when she was angry, the answer was, “Because I said so!”. That usually meant that the conversation was over, and if I knew what was best for me, I would be quiet.
Overtime, life has silenced so many conversations that I stopped asking, I stopped noticing, and I lost my wonder. I started accepting the status quo. Without wonder, my adult life went on autopilot: hurry up and grow up, go to college, get a degree, get a job, get married, have 2 children, go in debt and scurry around like a chicken trying to be everything to everybody. Life on autopilot commanded that I say yes to everything: volunteering, being an entrepreneur, coordinating activities for the kids, baking, care taking, and attending church activities. When I did get the energy to ask, “why?”, the answer was: “That’s just the way it is!”. Essentially, “Because I said so!” all over again.
Years of autopilot wore me out. It is funny because the more wore out I became, the more stuff I ran around trying to do. It was not until I ran myself to the point of complete exhaustion that I realized that something had to change. When I looked around, I wasn’t in wonder of anything. I was to busy to even notice rainbows, sunsets, nature, or God at work in my life. So, to find the wonder of my childhood, I began the journey of intentional living.
I started with closing my party business that I was good at and that I dearly loved, but it pulled me away from my family and left me with no time for myself.
I continued the search with taking my children out of some of their activities so that our weeks are not so hurried.
I began cooking more because it is healthier and so we can talk around our family table.
Our family committed to some serious budgeting so we can truly appreciate what we have, be good stewards over our many blessings and become debt free.
Living intentionally has truly helped me find my wonder. You CAN teach a old dog new tricks you just have to keep repeating yourself! I now ask myself how I REALLY feel about something deep down on the inside BEFORE I say yes. It has taken courage to WAIT for a response AND be comfortable with no. It has been through saying no and just being that my wonder has started to reappear!