Hello, My name is Katina and I am a Peace FAKER. I came in contact with the term “Peace Faker” while reading the book Unglued (Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions) by Lysa Terkerust.
If you haven’t read Unglued, I STRONGLY suggest it. In the book, Lysa gives four categories that describe the ways we come “unglued”:
Exploders who shame themselves (Yell first, feel horrible later)
- Exploders who blame others (Yell and then blame the other person for your behavior)
- Stuffers who build barriers (Say everything is fine but then get distant)
- Stuffers who collect retaliation rocks ( Silent record keeping of every wrong doing only to be brought up later)
Call me crazy but depending on my audience, I can react in all of these ways. Don’t let someone close to me like my husband or children dance on one of my nerves, I can explode and blame, stuff and build a barrier while collecting my retaliation rocks, and shame myself for it ALL in record time.
However, I am a people pleaser who loves to help which means I am a champion STUFFER! It just seems easier to PRETEND that everything is OK instead of having a hard conversation. I don’t want to make things worse, so I try to convince myself that I can just let it go. That sounds good but the reality is….I don’t just “let it go”. I build a barrier or distance myself from the person who has hurt me. Or I take, and take, and take and then BOOOOOM.. I let them have it for old and new!
I think most women stuff in some shape or fashion. It just seems like the “good Christian girl”, or “best Mommy of the Year” thing to do. It is ironic. We stuff in an effort to be peacemakers when in reality we are what Lysa calls “peace-fakers”. Lysa says, “True peacekeeping is about properly processing the emotions before they get stuffed and ROT into something horribly toxic”.
The point is to have something Lysa calls “Soul Integrity”. “Soul Integrity” is honesty that is godly. Soul Integrity brings balance to unglued situations. It makes us true peacemakers–people who aren’t stuffing or exploding but rather honestly demonstrating what they are experiencing in a godly manner.” WOW, what a wonderful thing to model for our children!
A passage in the book of James speaks about Soul Integrity:
James 3: 14-15, 17 (NIV) (I added the words in parentheses)
14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast (explode) about it or deny the truth (stuff). 15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic….But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
How can you respond in ways that are:peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere this week?
This post is part of a weekly meme hosted by Shell over at Thing’s I can’t Say